A Healthy Conversation On Tinder
A dating app, such as Tinder, is not a horrible place where people are there “just to hook up”. It is exactly like the real world, you can find assholes, but you can find amazing people too. It is subjective and relative.
I know what you are thinking – it wouldn’t be better to go to a bar and say hi to the stranger that arouses your curiosity instead. — Maybe, but who says I cannot do both things?
Behind those screens, there are real human beings, with fears like you, insecurities that you could have too, men and women that are seeking something, like the whole of humanity is.
So, what do we look for while swiping left or right?
This question has huge variables and possible answers indeed, but I truly think most of the time it is out of curiosity and coming from a desire for change, an insecurity, or a need to fulfill our Ego.
I swear. I am not there seeking love or to fill my issues. I am on the app to open the possibility of meeting new people that I might have never met in real life and to get a better understanding of myself. Especially on how and why I get along with someone else, so it is an exploration tool that allows me to learn how to build boundaries too.
But it hasn’t always been like this.
Two years ago I was way more insecure about my looks, about everything that concerned my personality and my aspect, and about the opinion others had of me. I didn’t like or love myself, so I was used to looking for validation from the outside. That is not the right way to relate either to an app or any person, but we all have done it at a certain point in life. When we don’t love ourselves we try to make someone else responsible for that.
Whether in real life or through the internet, relating to someone else always shows us a part of ourselves, it is like a mirror. A very useful one.
At this point it becomes easy to see how important it is to treat ourselves with kindness and to look at how we interact and the reasons for which we interact with others, even more in the intimate sphere of life.
Is it then Tinder so bad?
As with everything without a living soul, Tinder is just a ‘thing’ and it is in the hands of whoever uses it to determine its value in terms of experience. It is just ‘a powerless app’ but we can create significance out of it, to build security inside its net, or to create insecurities on every word we share online.
We are those who give meaning to things, so why don’t we try to give always a positive one?
Be honest, and you will become pure love, even in a virtual, shallow space.
📝 My name is Carmen Maya Posta, thanks for reading me! This article was originally written in Italian for “Laici” on February 12th, 2025. Find more writing translated into Italian, Spanish, and English on this website, on Instagram @carmenmeanspoem, on Substack , & listen to my voice on YouTube.
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